I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have had three if I had gone through with any of my pregnancies.

I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.

Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?

I love people who have such passion for complete nonsense.

ONE OF MY girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.