I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.

Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.

The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.

Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.

Austin and I proceeded to knock back a couple of Ketel One and grapefruit juices, which happened to be my drink of the moment. Someone told me that grapefruit was a great detoxifier and I decided I wanted to start cleaning out my liver WHILE I was having a cocktail.