Shamu and I have arrived safely in Costa Rica. He was stopped by airport security because he carries enough artillery in his pants pockets to construct a sawed-off shotgun. Evidently, he though we were headed to Iraq.

I'm not graceful either. I have no rhythm, I'm never on top.

I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast.

Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.

I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking.

Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.

It would be nice if everybody were a little bit more mindful of what kind of product you're putting out there. Nothing's for everybody. People are liked and disliked, but at least be mindful of what you're doing and what your message is, and trying to stay true to your authenticity and what you're trying to attain or what your goals are, and don't let anybody get in the way of that. At the same time, have a goal, and have a message.