It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.

My life and my legs have been an open book.

I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.

Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba.

I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.

It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.