It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.

You just be honest about who you are, and if you dont end up with any friends, then good for you.

I like to stay at home and sit on my ass.

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don't know it yet. I do know, because I'm me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don't want to have kids, and it's not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.

I had an abortion when I was 16. Because that's what I should have done. Otherwise I would now have a 20-year-old kid. Anyway, those are things that people shouldn't be dishonest about it.