Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.

Amy Winehouse's mother wrote an open letter to the News of the World newspaper telling Amy she's worried about her and to please call her. I doubt this is the best way to communicate with Amy - she should try spelling it out in lines of cocaine.

David Hasselhoff was hospitalized after falling off the wagon again. He probably got used to drinking too much, because for years he never had to worry about driving anywhere - his car drove itself.

Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'

Christina Aguilera finally announced her pregnancy. Thanks for waiting until your third trimester to get the word out—why not just wait until you’re crowning?