While looking at a website for liposuction, I learned that it was a six-to eight-week recovery period, the clincher being that, during that time, I would under no circumstances be able to use street drugs. Obviously I had to think of a more realistic approach.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

[Late-night host] is not really a job for a woman. You can't have kids and be a late-night host.I mean Samantha Bee has children, but you're there all day and all night. No one has a life outside of it. I would never try to have a family. I care much more about a career anyway, than having a family, so that's my own prerogative. It's just not something that a woman.

I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters

I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.

Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.

You don't give something away because it's fat. You take it and you look at it.