Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.

Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.

I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.

I try to not overthink anything. I don't understand why nipples are nudity. Who cares? Men can show their nipples but if we have breasts we can't show them?

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

Hulk Hogan's wife has filed for divorce. This is the most devastating breakup since Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee. And then Pam Anderson and Kid Rock. And soon, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon.

Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.