If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.

No one tells me what to do -- in any capacity.

Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon just got themselves a marriage license. I think before she gets married again Pam needs to slow down and think about whether this is really the man she wants to spend three or four months of her life with.

I have more respect for somebody who's like, 'Yeah I like to party, so screw off,' then for Tara , who talks about not partying and ends up passed out underneath a Subway, not a subway station, but the actual sandwich shop - two days later.

You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.