I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

It's like being a stand-up comedian is what leads to being a talk-show host. That life is not cut out for a woman, being on the road at these disgusting hotels. What girls want to do that? Gross guys want to do that. I think that the dearth in female comics is just the nature of the business, but there certainly isn't a dearth anymore, so I think it's just silly.

If you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life.

I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so.

It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.