You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.

I wasn’t like 'Oh, I'm going to marry 50 Cent...' I mean, seriously. But I did like him. He's very sweet and antithetical to what you'd think of him.

We women have to stick together.

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.

Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.

I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.