You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.

George Clooney and Fabio apparently got into a scuffle at a restaurant in Los Angeles over the weekend. George thought the women with Fabio were taking pictures of him. How embarrassed is George Clooney to be in a fight with Fabio? Who is he going to call out next, Lorenzo Lamas?

I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.

Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.

I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.

Jessica Simpson attended boyfriend Tony Romo's football game. The Cowboys quarterback had the worst game of his career. It's a bad year for the name Simpson. Even O. J. is pissed - he feels like they're making his name look bad.