I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.

I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.

I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.

People push my buttons, so I'm going to react.

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

George Clooney and Fabio apparently got into a scuffle at a restaurant in Los Angeles over the weekend. George thought the women with Fabio were taking pictures of him. How embarrassed is George Clooney to be in a fight with Fabio? Who is he going to call out next, Lorenzo Lamas?