ONE OF MY girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern.

People confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I'm a heavy drinker. I don't want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting.

I love people who have such passion for complete nonsense.

Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.

My father has a high opinion of his opinion

In a statement to the Associated Press earlier in the year, Jamie Lynn said she didn’t have a boyfriend. She said, ‘I’m keeping my options open.’ And by options, she meant legs.

I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.