Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she doesn't have any patience for suffering unless it's her own.
Chelsea HandlerIf you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.
Chelsea HandlerI think when I envisioned my documentaries, what I wanted to do when I left, I had no business doing those documentaries. I didn't know what I was doing. I was delving into an arena that I had no experience in, and Netflix paired me up with two documentarians that really executed my vision perfectly. That was great, to see that. All of a sudden I'm at Sundance, and those are premiering. I just thought, "Wow, they were four ideas I pitched one day, and now it's coming to fruition on this scale."
Chelsea HandlerPeople confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I'm a heavy drinker. I don't want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting.
Chelsea HandlerThe only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.
Chelsea HandlerWhat about your constitutional right to bear arms, you say. I would simply point out that you donโt have to exercise a constitutional right just because you have it. You have the constitutional right to run for president of the United States, but most people have too much sense to insist on exercising it.
Chelsea Handler