I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.

My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.

To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’

If you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life.

I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.

It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.