Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.

I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.

Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.

It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

First of all, who cares if people hate you? There's always a guarantee that certain people will dislike you. There's never any guarantee that anyone will like you. So if anyone likes you at all, you've already won.

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.

I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.