You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.

I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast.

I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.

According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?

Christina Aguilera finally announced her pregnancy. Thanks for waiting until your third trimester to get the word out—why not just wait until you’re crowning?