There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.

I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so.

It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be.

I think bullying of anybody, whether they're gay or straight or anything in high school is unbearable.

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.

There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.

I'd like to go out for a cocktail... or seven.