If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?

Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there?

Who's the president on the $100 bill? I don't know. I don't need to know because I don't use cash. I only use travelers checks.

It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka.

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together.