If you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

No one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.

There's a difference between watching a chef show, which doesn't feel like a reality show compared to the Housewives. Those shows can, I think, not only lower your IQ, but really just knock the wind out of you, because we're all here in this business.

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.

I like to stay at home and sit on my ass.