I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.

The police stopped me when I was out in my car. They told me it was a spot check. I admitted to two pimples and a boil.

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn't exactly pleased about it.

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.