I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.

I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."

A luxury meal was prairie sandwiches - two slices of bread with wide-open spaces between them.

Kippers : fish that like a lot of sleep.

There's a new slimming course just out where they remove all your bones. Not only do you weigh less, but you also look so much more relaxed.