I was out walking the other evening. This fellow accosted me, and asked if that was the moon up there in the sky. I replied that I had no idea, as I was a stranger there myself.

I was taking my dog out the other day and I met this chap who asked me where I was going. The dog is foaming at the mouth, so I explained that I was on my way to the vet to have it put down. He asked if it was mad, to which I replied that it wasn't exactly pleased about it.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.