My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

I felt as out of place as a left-handed violinist in a crowded string section.

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

I won't say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.

My father was from Aberdeen, and a more generous man you couldn't wish to meet. I have a gold watch that belonged to him. He sold it to me on his deathbed. I wrote him a cheque for it, post dated of course.

My sister wanted a cat for a pet... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark.

I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.