She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

This friend of mine had a terrible upbringing. When his mother lifted him up to feed him, his father rented the pram out. Then, when they came into money later, his mother hired a woman to push the pram - and he's been pushed for money ever since.

I first met my wife in the tunnel of love. She was digging it at the time.

I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.

We were so poor; the ultimate luxury in our house at the time was ashtrays without advertisements.