My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.
My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.
She had been married so often she bought a drip-dry wedding dress.
She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.
I rang the bell of this small bed-and breakfast place, whereupon a lady appeared at an outside window. "What do you want?", she asked. "I want to stay here", I replied. "Well, stay there then", she said and closed the window.
I got up this morning. I like to get up in the morning; it gives me the rest of the day to myself. I crossed the landing and went down stairs. Mind you, if there had been no stairs, I wouldn't even have attempted it.