I can get a great look at a t-bone steak by shoving my head up a bull's ass but I'd rather take the butchers word for it.

Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.

I can get a great look at a t-bone steak by shoving my head up a bull's ass but I'd rather take the butchers word for it.

The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.

I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.

I used to think that you could get to a level of success where the laws of the universe didn't apply. But they do. It's still life on life's terms, not on movie-star terms. I still have to work at relationships. I still have to work on my weight and some of my other demons.

People need a time to laugh. It's up to us to bonk ourselves on the head and slip on a banana peel so the average guy can say, 'I may be bad, honey, but I'm not as much of an idiot as that guy on the screen.'