I want to live fast and die young.

I have a tendency toward the pleasures of the flesh. It's a battle for me, as far as weight and things like that. But I'm curbing them because I want to continue to do comedy, and the two don't mix. So I try to fight those demons.

Once I thought that if I just had enough in the bank, if I had enough fame, that it would be all right. But I'm a human being like everyone else. I'm not exempt.

I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.

I'm just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!

In the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king!

Everybody laughs when fatty falls down.