Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person.

There's always a moment in any stand-up show I do where people are booing. They kinda boo a premise. And then I bail myself out with a joke. But it's like trying to do movies where there's a dramatic undertone.

No, I want big ol' titties in my face!

You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.

I've remade a few movies and they all have one thing in common: great endings. If you're going to remake something, make sure that ending is tight. It's a little less challenging, if you have a great ending. If you don't have a great ending, don't remake the movie.

God bless America. And no place else.

I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?