I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?

You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.

There are a lot of good comics, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics - there are black comics that work only black crowds, gay comics that do only gay crowds, and southern comics that only work down South, and so on with Asian, Latino, Indian, midgets, etc. The previous generation's comics were better because they had to make everybody laugh.

When you're white, the sky's the limit. When you're black, the limit's the sky.