You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.

Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it.

You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.

Shaq is rich. The white man who signs his check... is wealthy. "Ah, here you go, Shaq. Go buy yourself a bouncing car. Bling, bling!"

I mean no disrespect to anything I did before.

Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.

I love black people, but I hate niggers.