I am just here to support the President of the United States. President of the United States is our boss, but he is also... you know, the President and the First Lady are kinda like the Mom and the Dad of the country. And when your Dad says something you listen, and when you don't it will usually bite you on the ass later on. So, I'm here to support the President.

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.

You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.

When you have kids, there's no such thing as quality time. There's just time. There's no, 'Ooh, his graduation's better than going to the mall.' It's all kind of equal. Changing her diaper and her winning a contest - it's all good.

You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.

You're not famous unless people's mothers know who you are. Everybody else, you think you're famous, but you're just hot, and heat cools off.

That's a sure sign someone is going crazy - when he refers to himself in the third person, talks in low tones, and walks around wearing shades all day!