My dad worked every day. I didn't get into show business to work every day. So the fact that most days I get to like, spend really good time with my kids - that's what success is to me.

We got no wealthy black people. We got rich people. Shaq is rich. The guy who signs his checks is wealthy.

You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.

An entertainer's reputation as a live act is the most valuable thing he or she can have. If people know you give good shows, you'll never be broke for the rest of your life.

Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.

There's a difference between racism and "I don't know any better. I'm clueless." Racism is like, "I'm trying to make you feel bad." That's racism.

I'm like the Hulk on stage. It's way over the top. That's Bizarro Chris. Sometimes I get off stage and go What did I say?! I'll watch one of my stand-up specials a year later and go Eww, that was mean.