I saw the yearbook picture. There was six of them! I ain't have six friends in high school, I don't have six friends now! That's three on three with a half court.

When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative.

If you wanna get away with murder, all you gotta do is shoot somebody in the head and put a demo tape in their pocket! 'This is a rap killing! Let's get outta here!'

If you live below your means, you can turn down stuff all the time.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it's your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You're probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you're gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.