Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, "Hey. Do you see that ghost? And he says, What ghost?"

Just to be clear, Ray Rice was not fired for beating his wife. He was fired because a video of him beating his wife was released.

Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes.

My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.

You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.

People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.

You can't have anything valuable in your house. Niggers will break in and take it all! Everything white people don't like about black people, black people don't like about black people. It's like our own personal civil war. On one side, there's black people. On the other, you've got niggers. The niggers have got to go. I love black people, but I hate niggers. I am tired of niggers. Tired, tired, tired.