Unlike flying or astral projection, walking through walls is an earthbound pursuit.

I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if you got technical. A lot of this is just selective outrage because honestly, the audience are the ones that tell us that something shouldn't be spoken. The audience lets us know. And I've never, in my almost 30 years of being a comedian, seen a comedian continue to tell a joke that the audience doesn't respond to. I've never seen it.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!

There's not one reference in that thing that doesn't play. People deal with emotions in music all the time, but comedians are always talking about what they see. But we seldom talk about what we feel.

The U.S government hates rap music

The Democrats should have an empty chair on stage for the entire DNC, and when anyone asks who it belongs to, they can say Osama bin Laden.