Unlike flying or astral projection, walking through walls is an earthbound pursuit.

I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.

Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.

Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.

If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

You know what GED stands for? Good Enough Diploma.