There's bad and then there's EDDY CURRY BAD.

I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

It used to take years to become a junkie. But crack cut that down to 37 minutes.

I used to work at McDonald's making minimum wage. You know what that means when someone pays you minimum wage? You know what your boos was trying to say? "Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it's against the law."

If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.

Are we so desperate for entertainment that we will fall for a Trickless magician?? Saw a woman in half. Pull a rabbit out of a hat. Do something! What tricks does this guy have? "I'm in a box...and I ain't gonna eat.". "I'm in a box... and I ain't gonna eat!!" That ain't no trick! That's called living in the projects!

When you're doing a big-budget movie and you're four on the call sheet, you've got a lot of free time.