You don’t need no gun control, you know what you need? We need some bullet control. Men, we need to control the bullets, that’s right. I think all bullets should cost five thousand dollars… five thousand dollars per bullet… You know why? Cause if a bullet cost five thousand dollars there would be no more innocent bystanders.

Being a comedian is a lot like being an athlete. If you're Carl Lewis and you're the fastest, then no matter what you're the fastest.

The only plan I have is to not do anything I don't want to do - and to never work just for money.

I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.

Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

There's bad and then there's EDDY CURRY BAD.