Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.

Black people have been qualified to be president for hundreds of years. George Washington Carver could have been president. I could go on with a list of black men that were qualified to be the president of the United States. So the Obama victory is progress for white people.

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

I have four jackets, five pants, whatever, that are all the same. If you see U2 in concert, they wear the same thing every night. They just got a bunch of them. Albert Einstein used to wear brown suits every day. Why waste brainpower on something that is trivial?

I think all the funny people were bullied. When they talk about outlawing bullying, it's like, what? You want no Comedy Central?

Though part of me had always wanted to be a comedian, another part of me had always wanted to be Bryant Gumbel or Dan Rather.

Remember when we was young, everybody used to have these arguments about who's better, Michael Jackson or Prince? Prince won!