I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

When I do something good, the audience lets me know immediately. They laugh. That's it.

Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!

You're not famous unless people's mothers know who you are. Everybody else, you think you're famous, but you're just hot, and heat cools off.

When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

My mother is the kind of woman you don't want to be in line behind at the supermarket. She has coupons for coupons.