I like talking about subjects that aren't funny in the first place and making them funny. So anything down and depressing is something I'll talk about.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

Black History Month is in the shortest month of the year, and the coldest-just in case we want to have a parade

Kennedy didn't beat Nixon. Satire beat Nixon.

If you live with a single parent, you don't see compromise. You witness a grown person living in a world where they do what they want to do. When you are raised by two parents, you are constantly watching compromise take place. Just by observing that, it made me a better person.

Carol Leifer is funny, really funny.

I mean no disrespect to anything I did before.