See... Relationships are hard, man. For order, for any relationship to work, both people have to be on the same page, both people have to have the same focus, and we all know what that page is. We all know what that focus is. In order for the relationship to work both people have to have the same focus, and what's that focus? That focus is all about HER! It's all about her!

Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"

Why do people do yoga? To clear their minds? I embrace the clutter in my head.

Stand-up comedy is like the lowest medium in all of show business in levels of respect.

I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

Hollywood's just not funny.

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep. And when I see the Tea Party and all this stuff, it actually feels like racism’s almost over. Because this is the last - this is the act up before the sleep. They’re going crazy. They’re insane. You want to get rid of them - and the next thing you know, they’re fucking knocked out. And that’s what’s going on in the country right now.