I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

You only know that you're smart because you're around dumb people from time to time!

A black man will be elected President of the United States. I'm sorry, that's in the year 10,000.

Whatever your woman is into, you better be into. Whatever your man is into, you better be N2. Your partner into church, you better be into church. Your man or woman a crack head, you better be a crack head ... Otherwise it just won't work.

The government hates rap. That's why they don't arrest anybody that kills rappers! Only the good ones are dead, man! Only the good ones: Biggie dead, Tupac dead, Vanilla Ice still alive! They don't fill out a police report. They don't even have a chalk line when it's a dead rapper, they just take a piss around the body.

No, I want big ol' titties in my face!

The thing about having an audience right there laughing is that critics can write what they want, but the proof is right there in front of you.