I'll go back to comedy clubs when they get a real no-camera policy, the same way they did with smoking.

Why do people do yoga? To clear their minds? I embrace the clutter in my head.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

So if you're black or brown, you can make money in America, you can get rich in America... but whatever you decide to do, it better be positive, 'cause if one person is harmed, you will be destroyed. You see Oprah, she just be giving away money. She's doing that to keep the Feds off her back.

I hate niggas! I hate em! I wish they'd let me join the Ku Klux Klan!

Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.

A black Christian is like a black person with no memory.