George Bush hates midgets.

I don't write jokes first. I write down topics. I think of what I want to talk about, and then I write the jokes - they don't write me... And even if you don't think it's funny, you won't think it's boring. You might disagree, but you'll listen. And maybe even laugh as you disagree.

Everything's funny - in the right context and done by the right person.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

It's easier to get on show business, the hard part is to maintain. Nobody stays famous forever.

Just to be clear, Ray Rice was not fired for beating his wife. He was fired because a video of him beating his wife was released.

You can never make a woman happy, it's impossible. I've never met a happy woman in my life. They're always complaining about something.