If Bill Gates woke up with Oprah's money he'd jump out the window.

Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to read with all this light.' Nobody give a fk about dads!

I was at Michael Jackson's house, and this kid runs out, 'Wait, save me!'

Do you know what the good side of crack is? If you're up at the right hour, you can get a VCR for $1.50. You can furnish your whole house for $10.95.

People want what they want. And I guess that is a reason we have this big credit card problem and a lot of these foreclosures.

You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war !

When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them. You're meeting their representative.