People say, 'Why is he bored with her?' Because he's a human being, that's why; same way his wife is bored with him. That is marriage - anything that's supposed to be forever, your going to get bored with it. And there is nothing wrong with it, so don't take it personal; if you are with somebody for ten years and they are not bored with you? Then something is wrong with them.

Does having a wife and kids change your act? Yes, but only in the best way. It gives you weight and authority. It also makes you closer to the audience because the audience is married and has kids.

The material comes from whenever you realize that you and someone else have something in common. So any conversation you've had more than once, anything you see happening to you that you see happening to a friend, you go, Hmmm, that's a situation I can make funny.

If you want to prevent abortions, you make sure everyone has health care, a high school education and birth control. Not the exact opposite.

We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed.

If a kid calls his grandma "Mommy" and his mama "Pam", he's going to jail!

God bless America. And no place else.