If you see a black woman with an overweight white man, you know she got effed up credit!

You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war !

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to read with all this light.' Nobody give a fk about dads!

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.