Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.
I'm never proper or careful, but I never curse in front of my mother, either.
Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.
I'll go with the guy with one house. The guy with one house is scared about losing his house.
You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.
Nobody ever says, 'Hey daddy, thanks for knockin' out this rent.' 'Hey daddy, I sure love this hot water.' 'Hey daddy, it's easy to read with all this light.' Nobody give a fk about dads!