A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain’t gonna be at the perfect time. You’re married, they’re single. That’s right. You’re Jewish, they’re Palestinian. You’re a Mexican, they’re a raccoon. You’re a black woman, he’s a black man.

Stand-up is the only career like that where once you get really big at it, people kind of encourage you not to do it.

You can't be happy that fire cooks your food and be mad it burns your fingertips.

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.

Only black people in the whole neighborhood, so let's break it down: Me, I'm a decent comedian, I'm a'ight. Mary J. Blige, one of the greatest R&B singers to ever walk the Earth. Jay-Z, one of the greatest rappers to ever live. Eddie Murphy, one of the funniest actors to ever, ever do it. Do you know what the white man that lives next door to me does for a living? He's a f*****g dentist.

I literally don't know what I'm going to do next. That's successful.