Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!

You can't fake comedy - it's not like a movie, where a director can just cast a pretty face.

Comedy is the blues for people who can’t sing.

The thing about Barack Obama, just from being around him, is he's cooler than the other politicians, but just nerdy enough to do the job. Like you can't be really cool and be the president.

I'm happy if everybody else is. I'm a big brother, the oldest. If you're happy and I'm not, I'm cool with that. If I'm happy and you're not, I'm sad.

Oprah is rich; Bill Gates is wealthy. If Bill Gates woke up tomorrow with Oprah's money, he'd jump out of a window and slit his throat on the way down saying, 'I can't even put gas in my plane!'

Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes.