Give me a black man, a white woman, a giraffe, a zebra anything but another white man! That last one f***ed up my roof!

Emotional affairs, those are the only real affairs; those are the real ones.

I just remember that whenever I got really mad or passionate, like in an argument, people would laugh, and I'd be dead serious. It would happen a lot. So it was like, Gee, I've got something here.

You can't think the thoughts you want to think if you think you're being watched.

You won’t be able to take your eyes off the next four presenters: Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.