The U.S government hates rap music

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

When you become a comedian a lot of stuff that made you laugh before just stops. You stop watching your old cartoons you used to watch. You stop reading the funnies. It's like working at a strip club. You don't come home and turn on the Playboy Channel.

I'll go with the guy with one house. The guy with one house is scared about losing his house.

Oprah is so rich, I saw John Kerry proposing to her.

I love having somebody there - that companion thing. You know who you're going to eat with, who you're going to see a movie with.

School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.