The Democrats should have an empty chair on stage for the entire DNC, and when anyone asks who it belongs to, they can say Osama bin Laden.

A black man will be elected President of the United States. I'm sorry, that's in the year 10,000.

You know those guys that go to the strip club at the daytime? If you're at a strip club, and the sun is out, you got some problems!

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

The government doesn't want you to use YOUR drugs, they want you to use THEIR drugs.

I'll probably pay more attention to the musicians in the pit than the stars because they're the closest you're going to get to normal people in the audience.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.