Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

Women need food, water, and compliments That's right. And an occasional pair of shoes.

You know, you get famous and you work in these weird jobs and you don't have a lot in common with people. But once you have kids, you have everything in common with everybody.

Daddy pays for the water, daddy pays for the gas, daddy pays for the electricity, and if daddy didn't pay for the electricity, he'd pay for the candle on your nightstand, so you can study for the big test tomorrow.

There's bad and then there's EDDY CURRY BAD.

I took my AlDS test. You start reflecting... You start thinking about every nasty, skank-ass... It's like the movie Scrooge, and the Ghost of Pussy Past comes.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.